You Might Be a Man of the Eucharist (or) Jeff Foxworthy Goes to Confession

By Dr. Chris Baglow, Covington, La.

If your eye has a fast-focus function for the female form, you might be a man; and if you can get that eye back up to her forehead in .0045 seconds, you might be a man of the Eucharist;

You might be a man if you carry a little black book chock full of names and numbers;  and if some of those names are Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and those numbers are chapters and verses, you might be a man of the Eucharist;

If you’ve amassed so much wealth in your lifetime that even the IRS can’t count all the places you’ve got it, you might be a man; and if the only thing you ever steal from your government is its ability to destroy the innocent and call it freedom of choice, you might be a man of the Eucharist;

(For men south of the Mason-Dixon): You might be a man if the outside of your SUV looks like you just drove it straight through a Louisiana swamp; and if the inside of that SUV looks like it was hijacked by six nuns and an entire kindergarten class, you might be a man of the Eucharist;

If you’re the corporate big boss, these days you’re still probably a man; and if your employees would rather die than work for anybody else, you might be a man of the Eucharist;

If your baby girl tells you that she thinks you might be even stronger than Mr. Incredible, you might be man; and if she grows up and can’t remember a single time when you used that strength to hurt her or her mother, you might be a man of the Eucharist;

If you don’t know a single recipe that feeds less than 75 people, you might be a man; and if you use that recipe regularly at your local soup kitchen, you might be a man of the Eucharist;

You might be a man if people pay to jet you all over the country to net the big accounts;  and if you’ve seen the inside of an Adoration Chapel in every major city to which Delta flies, you might be a man of the Eucharist;

If your boy measures his total being by your every move, you might be a man; and if, because of that, he makes the sign of the cross every time you pass your parish church, you might be a man of the Eucharist;

If you can look a man in the face without fear, you might be a man;  if you can look a man in the face without fear and tell him how Christ saved you from alcoholism or pornography, you might be a man of the Eucharist;

You’re obviously a man if you married a woman (and let’s hope it stays that way in our country just as it will always be that way in the Church); if she never has to surrender her innocence in order to give herself to you, you might be a man of the Eucharist;

If there are people in this world who count on you as a protector, as a guide, as a provider, even as a hero, you might be a man; and if you and they know that your ability to be all that comes from the fact that in your weakness Christ is strong, you are definitely a man of the Eucharist.


[Thanks, Chris, for our first posting from Louisiana!]