Fire Prevention

BY ALLEN HUNT

This week, it's Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. More American marriages are on fire than ever before, and adultery continues to be at the top of reasons why. When it comes to marital fires, the best strategy is prevention.

The 3 Fire Prevention tools - to keep you or your spouse from straying

 1) Appreciate - remember John Gottman's rule that positive interactions need to outnumber negative by a ratio of 5:1. This remarkable nugget of research revealed that a healthy marriage is rooted in a basic formula: 5 times as many compliments, smiles, pats, kisses on the cheek, and words of encouragement as there are rolled eyes, harsh words, criticisms, etc.. 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction. This ratio explains why so many spouses feel "unappreciated." As the relationship ages, we often forget to say "thank you," or "you really do a great job." We take each other for granted, distance sets in, and then straying becomes more attractive as the spouse meets someone who offers appreciation and a sense of being valued. 

2) Communicate - never underestimate the power of talking to each other. Communicating goes hand in hand with Appreciating. Affairs often occur when men feel like "she doesn't understand me or care." Again, it is easy to ignore basic communication as the relationship ages. Take time to talk. A simple way to do this is to be sure to eat at least one meal together per day. That time is building a small investment, little by little, day by day, to maintain the basic communication in the marriage. Sexual intimacy also contributes to this. It is an important part of emotional communication and connection for men. If you are having trouble communicating with each other, get help. Get help sooner than later because the longer you wait, the harder it will be to begin communicating again. Frustration and pain will be buried, and the lines will be blocked.

 3) Remember - remember what attracted you to your spouse in the first place. When you are feeling distant or frustrated, remember why you fell in love with her at the start. Her eyes, her sense of humor, or her creative mind. Whatever it is. Remember that - and tell her.  The same is true for women: tell him you are proud of him and that he has validated why you found him so attractive in the first place. 

These 3 Fire Prevention tools are not guarantees but they dramatically reduce the likelihood of affairs. Time proven, simple, and virtually free. 

Choose these three and you choose well.

About Allen Hunt Allen Hunt is a former Senior Pastor of an evangelical mega-church. He became Catholic in 2008 and now partners with Matthew Kelly to serve as the Vice-President for Strategy and Content at the Dynamic Catholic Institute. Allen is a speaker, writer, and radio host on News Talk WSB in Atlanta. He is the author of Confessions of a Mega-Church Pastor: How I Discovered the Hidden Treasures of the Catholic Church.