BY DAVID O’BRIEN
There are two burning questions that dominate the lives of young adults: what am I supposed to do with my life and with whom should I do it? Mission and community.
For most, the second question is about finding the right person. Will I ever get married? How will I find my soulmate? Has God handpicked one person for me or is the choice up to me? If God is sending someone my way, how do I recognize him/her?
I spent many tortured nights wrestling with these questions. My journey included seven years discerning between the priesthood and marriage, a year in a Franciscan seminary, almost nine years in a relationship that led to a marriage proposal then ended in a painful broken engagement.
Honestly, at that point, I began to lose hope. Was God even listening anymore? Worn out by years of trying, I decided to give up and just be content, if not happy, with being single.
A year later at a young adult prayer group, I saw an unknown face in the crowd. She introduced herself as Rachel from Pensacola, new to New Jersey for a year of missionary work. She mentioned that she was also thinking about becoming a Trinitarian sister.
Intrigued by her beauty, her warm personality and her obvious commitment to her faith, I thought about saying hi during the social hour after the program. But with my heart still too beat up from the end of my engagement, I decided against it. Why bother? She was obviously not in the market for a relationship.
The next day I mentioned Rachel to Kate, a very spiritual friend of mine. Kate seemed to have a special frequency between her and Jesus. She often stopped looking at me when we talked and stared off into the distance, as if she were a dog listening to a high pitched whistle. When I told her about Rachel and how I wasn’t going to bother, she did that Jesus dog whistle thing again.
I asked her, "Kate, what? Why are you doing that?" She responded cryptically: "I would pay attention to this girl, David." I dismissed the idea but deep inside, I wondered.
Some weeks later at a young adult picnic, I invited Rachel to join my team for the volleyball tournament. Being less than 5 feet tall, I thought she could benefi t from my athletic prowess. She declined saying she already joined a team. A little disappointed, I fi gured she would regret her decision when my team slaughtered her team on the court.
I soon found out though that Rachel was an Olympic quality player and her team was decimating all the competition in large measure because of her.
When we finally faced each other in the championship round, she abused us without mercy. Desperate for a way to knock her off her game, I complimented Rachel about her stellar play but then suggested "too bad, once you miss a shot, it’s all down hill from there." Mind games at their worst.
A few points later, Rachel amazingly missed a point, and then another, then another. We mounted a furious comeback and were about to take the lead. Feeling that I was in her head, I eyeballed Rachel and subtly whispered to her: "mental toughness". A final dig, I just couldn’t resist now that I felt like the championship was ours.
The ball was served, back and forth, over the net several times until it rested just above the net between Rachel and me. I catapulted myself as high as I could, only to receive a volleyball sandwich. Rachel out jumped me and spiked the ball right in my face. Her team never lost another point. Game, set, match. I was starting to like this girl.
Later that night back at the missionary house, Rachel shockingly revealed to me that she had been praying and journaling about us. "Us", I thought. There was no "us". But as I listened to her, I felt an emerging love in my heart that I had been suppressing out of fear.
We ended up in the chapel for the next two nights talking until 4 a.m. We talked about our dreams, our families, our faith and our past disappointments. It wasn’t long before we recognized that something was happening, something bigger than either one of us. God’s hidden hand was beginning to show itself.
It was as if we were sitting in a theater watching the curtain open on a new Broadway play. The orchestra played the overture. We knew that behind the curtain the scene had been set. But oh, the wonder and awe of seeing that curtain peel back to reveal what lay behind it.
All these years, God had been arranging the scenes of our lives and now the curtain was finally opening for us to see. It was all there, miraculously.
Neither one of us had been previously married. Both had seriously considered religious life. What she wanted I wanted and my dreams matched hers.
At one point on the second night, out of curiosity, I asked her what kind of wedding she wanted. She responded: "I’d like everyone to be there and maybe there would be a potluck reception." Her words brought me back to the person I had once hoped to be.
For years I had talked about a potluck reception as a way to live the gospel, espousing simplicity and avoiding the excesses of the wedding industry in New Jersey. My ideas though were met by the mockery and derision of friend and family alike. Even my mother once told me that no woman would ever want to marry me if I talked like that.
During my previous relationship, my potluck reception idea was such a source of confl ict, I eventually abandoned it, succumbing to the pressure of the over the top, limited guest list, $30,000+ Princess Di wedding reception.
But here was Rachel, unbeknownst to her, speaking the very words I had once said. I sensed the Lord’s tender love piercing my heart. He said to me: "I know you thought I had forgotten you but I never did. Don’t you know how much I love you? I heard every word you ever prayed."
In that moment, I realized that Rachel was an expression of God’s love for me and that to marry her would be the way God was inviting me to grow in His love. I burst into tears. She was the one. She was God’s gift to me.
Back in the chapel the next night I asked Rachel, again out of curiosity, not as a proposal, "are you going to marry me?" Without hesitation she glibly replied: "I think I am." To which I said, "I think you are."
We will be nine years married this August, with our fourth baby due that same month. But we are no more certain today than we were in the chapel that night. God made it abundantly clear that He had been with us every step of the way. He still is.
I cannot say that the manner in which this played out in my life is the way God will act for others. But I do know this. Single, married, lonely, searching, divorced, hurting or feeling abandoned. You are not alone. God is not only watching you. God is actively working to bring you the love and the happiness you have always dreamed about.
What that will look like, I do not know. But if you can trust Him, God will get you there. Guaranteed. (Jn 10:10) The truth is, God’s dream for you is probably better than anything you could have ever asked for or imagined.
There are two burning questions that dominate the lives of young adults: what am I supposed to do with my life and with whom should I do it? Mission and community.
For most, the second question is about finding the right person. Will I ever get married? How will I find my soulmate? Has God handpicked one person for me or is the choice up to me? If God is sending someone my way, how do I recognize him/her?
I spent many tortured nights wrestling with these questions. My journey included seven years discerning between the priesthood and marriage, a year in a Franciscan seminary, almost nine years in a relationship that led to a marriage proposal then ended in a painful broken engagement.
Honestly, at that point, I began to lose hope. Was God even listening anymore? Worn out by years of trying, I decided to give up and just be content, if not happy, with being single.
A year later at a young adult prayer group, I saw an unknown face in the crowd. She introduced herself as Rachel from Pensacola, new to New Jersey for a year of missionary work. She mentioned that she was also thinking about becoming a Trinitarian sister.
Intrigued by her beauty, her warm personality and her obvious commitment to her faith, I thought about saying hi during the social hour after the program. But with my heart still too beat up from the end of my engagement, I decided against it. Why bother? She was obviously not in the market for a relationship.
The next day I mentioned Rachel to Kate, a very spiritual friend of mine. Kate seemed to have a special frequency between her and Jesus. She often stopped looking at me when we talked and stared off into the distance, as if she were a dog listening to a high pitched whistle. When I told her about Rachel and how I wasn’t going to bother, she did that Jesus dog whistle thing again.
I asked her, "Kate, what? Why are you doing that?" She responded cryptically: "I would pay attention to this girl, David." I dismissed the idea but deep inside, I wondered.
Some weeks later at a young adult picnic, I invited Rachel to join my team for the volleyball tournament. Being less than 5 feet tall, I thought she could benefi t from my athletic prowess. She declined saying she already joined a team. A little disappointed, I fi gured she would regret her decision when my team slaughtered her team on the court.
I soon found out though that Rachel was an Olympic quality player and her team was decimating all the competition in large measure because of her.
When we finally faced each other in the championship round, she abused us without mercy. Desperate for a way to knock her off her game, I complimented Rachel about her stellar play but then suggested "too bad, once you miss a shot, it’s all down hill from there." Mind games at their worst.
A few points later, Rachel amazingly missed a point, and then another, then another. We mounted a furious comeback and were about to take the lead. Feeling that I was in her head, I eyeballed Rachel and subtly whispered to her: "mental toughness". A final dig, I just couldn’t resist now that I felt like the championship was ours.
The ball was served, back and forth, over the net several times until it rested just above the net between Rachel and me. I catapulted myself as high as I could, only to receive a volleyball sandwich. Rachel out jumped me and spiked the ball right in my face. Her team never lost another point. Game, set, match. I was starting to like this girl.
Later that night back at the missionary house, Rachel shockingly revealed to me that she had been praying and journaling about us. "Us", I thought. There was no "us". But as I listened to her, I felt an emerging love in my heart that I had been suppressing out of fear.
We ended up in the chapel for the next two nights talking until 4 a.m. We talked about our dreams, our families, our faith and our past disappointments. It wasn’t long before we recognized that something was happening, something bigger than either one of us. God’s hidden hand was beginning to show itself.
It was as if we were sitting in a theater watching the curtain open on a new Broadway play. The orchestra played the overture. We knew that behind the curtain the scene had been set. But oh, the wonder and awe of seeing that curtain peel back to reveal what lay behind it.
All these years, God had been arranging the scenes of our lives and now the curtain was finally opening for us to see. It was all there, miraculously.
Neither one of us had been previously married. Both had seriously considered religious life. What she wanted I wanted and my dreams matched hers.
At one point on the second night, out of curiosity, I asked her what kind of wedding she wanted. She responded: "I’d like everyone to be there and maybe there would be a potluck reception." Her words brought me back to the person I had once hoped to be.
For years I had talked about a potluck reception as a way to live the gospel, espousing simplicity and avoiding the excesses of the wedding industry in New Jersey. My ideas though were met by the mockery and derision of friend and family alike. Even my mother once told me that no woman would ever want to marry me if I talked like that.
During my previous relationship, my potluck reception idea was such a source of confl ict, I eventually abandoned it, succumbing to the pressure of the over the top, limited guest list, $30,000+ Princess Di wedding reception.
But here was Rachel, unbeknownst to her, speaking the very words I had once said. I sensed the Lord’s tender love piercing my heart. He said to me: "I know you thought I had forgotten you but I never did. Don’t you know how much I love you? I heard every word you ever prayed."
In that moment, I realized that Rachel was an expression of God’s love for me and that to marry her would be the way God was inviting me to grow in His love. I burst into tears. She was the one. She was God’s gift to me.
Back in the chapel the next night I asked Rachel, again out of curiosity, not as a proposal, "are you going to marry me?" Without hesitation she glibly replied: "I think I am." To which I said, "I think you are."
We will be nine years married this August, with our fourth baby due that same month. But we are no more certain today than we were in the chapel that night. God made it abundantly clear that He had been with us every step of the way. He still is.
I cannot say that the manner in which this played out in my life is the way God will act for others. But I do know this. Single, married, lonely, searching, divorced, hurting or feeling abandoned. You are not alone. God is not only watching you. God is actively working to bring you the love and the happiness you have always dreamed about.
What that will look like, I do not know. But if you can trust Him, God will get you there. Guaranteed. (Jn 10:10) The truth is, God’s dream for you is probably better than anything you could have ever asked for or imagined.
 | About David O’Brien David O’Brien is the Associate Director of Religious Education for Lay Ministry for the Archdiocese of Mobile. His column, Everyday Faith, appears regularly in the archdiocesan newspaper, the Catholic Week. Email David at dobrien@mobilearchdiocese.org. |
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